


they were right

by ashrye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, idk what to tag, no happy ending for tooru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29872254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashrye/pseuds/ashrye
Summary: The night Tooru realized that Iwaizumi Hajime was his pillar, his center, his air, was the same night that he realized Hajime will never feel the same way.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	they were right

In all of Tooru’s life, he has heard many tales of a broken heart. How it feels like their heart is slowly being shredded or how the air suddenly gets heavier. Legs, feeling like they're about to snap underneath. How suddenly, from one point of true happiness, they spiral into an abyss and can never return to the feel wisps of clouds and the harmony of birds brought by life. And before they can even stop it, command it to a halt, the walls around them are crumbling and tears are racing down the flesh of their cheeks. Seeing the love of their lives completely abandoning them, leaving them to rot within the confines of their own mind. 

_ Was I ever pretty enough? _

_ Was I ever talented enough?  _

_ Were my soul, heart, and mind ever enough? _

_ Was I ever enough? _

Tooru leads a life of passion and confidence. He was the best, always had been. He wanted to conquer anything and everything. Heartbreaks such as the ones his friends spoke so sorrowful about felt unreal to him. How could that ever happen to a person as unbreakable as himself?

This was all before the night he realized Iwaizumi Hajime had become the center fixation of his life. Not volleyball, the singular thing that made him feel like he was the closest to being at the top of the world. Not anything else besides his best friend that stuck by him all his life.The little boy that would collect bugs out of his sandbox and the older, but ever the same boy that would fiercely hit the firm but torn white ball across the net in the same yard. 

Iwa-chan. 

Who would go to the small supermarket to get gifts of love and care whenever Tooru was sick. Who had seen the darker parts of Tooru that he would have rather kept hidden from the world. 

Hajime,

The only person he loved with every single part of him. That loving him was true, as easy as breathing. Even if the air begins to fail to fill his damaged lungs, Hajime would be there to help him breathe again. 

The night Tooru realized that Iwaizumi Hajime was his pillar, his center, his air, was the same night that he realized Hajime will never feel the same way. The bugs will always be just bugs. The gifts will always be just gifts. The pillar that Hajime is, and always will be, is just a pillar. The air will always be just from a tank. And his center will always be measured from a distance. 

B ecause Hajime already had all of that, all that Tooru ever had in Hajime, in the form of a girl that he held so securely in his arms from across the room. 

And finally, Tooru understood what his friends spoke of. The agonizing heartbreak, the air taking the weight of metal upon his lungs. His legs coming so violently close to collapsing as the breath from his body was pulled through his throat in a choking silent sob. Hajime running his delicate fingers through her cloudy hair as they laugh with each other in harmony. Tooru running his calloused hands down the goosebumps of his skin, waiting for the told sobs to come. 

_ Never pretty enough. _

_ Never talented enough. _

_ Soul, heart, mind, memories not enough. _

_ Never enough. _

The uncontrollable tears he heard so frequently about never came because just then, Hajime had met his gaze across the room with the light still in his eyes and his familiar blinding smile. The cries that wanted so badly to tear through his hazel eyes could not, would not come, because his best friend was staring at him like he was the one he was in love with. 

And Tooru wanted that  _ so  _ badly. 

He wanted to join him in finding the biggest bug in the sandbox, to play volleyball until time ran out. To go to the supermarket holding hands and to spend countless nights in each other's warm, comforting arms, with sweet nothings spilling from their mouths and tangling in the middle like a tie. A tie that wouldn’t stop growing tighter until they finally had to let go in the morning. And for the brief moment that their eyes held each other, he let himself imagine that life with Hajime. 

Before he finally turned away. 

All memories vanished, as Hajime took the final look. All Tooru felt was to be buried deep in the veins of his heart, tucked away till the night was over. His breathing and his movement felt  mechanical. Everything from moving his handle to fiddle with each other to stretching to relieve the tension in his shoulders was scripted.

Tooru was willing to do this, to give up everything he ever wanted, just so he could look at Hajime’s smile once more. 

That’s why the tears would forbid fall, why he would not rot in the prison that made up his mind and heart. 

That’s also why he walked across, putting on his own best smile, to meet the one thing he could not be.

Hajime’s fixed center

His unchipped, stable pillar.

His fresh breath of air. 

_ They were right. They were always right. _

Heartbreak felt like every tale he was told, except so much more. It felt as if every happy memory, brief touch, and unsaid word were pried from him and smashed into the wooden floor beneath him. He couldn’t fix it. It was never meant to be fixed and made to be new and beautiful, no matter how much Tooru wanted it. 

“Iwa-chan!” He called as he clung around Hajime’s side one last time, facing the beautiful cloud. Finally giving in, he shot his best wink, a hand for her to cling, and he gave her his name. 

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!!! this is my first fanfic oneshot and it didn't rlly take long but I tried my best with it <3 hope you enjoyed this small angst!


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